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But that doesn’t tell us anything about the identity of the person involved or the cultural context in which that sex is occurring.Homosexual sex and desire is basically part of the human condition. The difference among us is how we understand those sex practices, and straight people understand what they’re doing very differently than bi or gay people. Often the people I write about in the book don’t think what they’re doing is sexual at all.Did you coin the term “bro-job” or did it emerge from comment boards on the internet? I do describe in the book what could arguably be called “bro-jobs,” but I never once use that word.So later, it’s sort of like a game of telephone, four blogs down the line I’m reading stuff that says “Jane Ward has written an entire book about ‘bro-jobs’.” I just had to laugh. OK, so if it’s not “an entire book about ‘bro-jobs’,” what is it about?
What makes a straight-identifying man who has sex with men different from a bisexual man?But this argument leaves very little room for sexual fluidity.It also raises confusion for people about how someone who appears to have been “born straight,” let’s say, could engage in homosexual sex.It’s like, “If I can stick my finger in another dude’s butt and I can make a big show of how gross I think it is, and when I’m done I can stand up, still a straight dude, totally unbroken, not a fag, then I’m all the more heterosexual.” That makes sense when it comes to hazing or drunken debauchery, but what about the guys you mentioned who are placing personal ads looking for other straight men to hookup with? Some of them want to talk about sexual conquests in college. I could be wrong, but I’m queer and I’ve been friends with gay men for 20 years, and this kind of fantasy of talking about vaginas while giving each other hand jobs is not something I’ve seen in gay subculture. So they’re kind of obsessed with constantly performing their heterosexuality.There’s a lot of homophobia in the ads with people saying “I don’t want to do any fag shit,” “This is just going to be a hand job,” or whatever. One way they manage that is by being homophobic, by constantly talking about how other men are fags, because if you can make other men fags, then you’re not a fag.
But also I worried for the gay men who would be like “Oh, of course I’m going to buy and think it’s going to be something more pornographic than it is. Well, there’s been a lot of interest in the past 10 or 15 years in the broader culture on the subject of sexual fluidity, but the attention has focused almost exclusively on women.