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I don’t even believe in a higher power, let alone one true God.
Even so, for the past several years I often find myself praying.
Simon Hi Simon, Thank you so much for reading my blog and for your comment.
I know so many of us can relate to your feelings…I hope you can forgive yourself at some point.
She is not emotionally prepared to answer questions to answers she should have asked herself 10 years ago when this all started. She halluncinated before, got agitated, but was basically ambulatory with help. One doctor told us the hallucinations might lessen as the brain continued degenerating. My advice is to always remember that there REALLY is someone still locked in there and understands more than we/I understood.
Now she is weak and bedridden but the hallucinations are gone. Always be careful when talking about them in there presence/I made this mistake and now feel crushed.
My mother has almost forced this onto my dad who loves her too much to ever speak his mind around her since she is so emotionally fragile she will break down. He chokes on his food and has started to get reoccuring chest infections due to him aspirating it. I thought of this as a blessing because I see it as his way to leave this world in peace and finally be out of his misery.
I’ve questioned her before as to why they don’t consider a home (before he was placed in the rehab last week) and she breaks down and says I don’t get to ask questions since I moved out of their house 6 years ago. He always told me he never wanted to suffer when it was his time. They even asked me to pray for him to “bounce back” which, put lightly, caused me to snap.
At this point, I believe she is simply existing in her body.
My mom cries constantly and lashes out at my grandfather, and the stress was so intense I think it contributed to her breast cancer diagnosis last year. I was relieved to see him comfortable in his hospital bed in a deep sleep surrounded by family because it was the way he had wanted to go, right? For at least 3 years he has been wasting away on their couch.
When I say he was comatose, I am not saying it lightly.
In fact, with the aid of a walker, Mummy strides up and down the halls in her care center — sometimes for hours.
When she is walking the halls, Mummy often appears to have a purpose and a destination in mind. Up close, it is immediately apparent Mummy is locked into a prison from which there is no parole.
I’ve learned that caring for someone with Alzheimer’s is filled with regret that lasts long after the person dies.